Do you ever feel like the biggest failure ever alive…
…because of something you ate that you shouldn’t have…
…because you skipped a workout, when you totally had time & energy to do it…
…or maybe just because you can’t find something to wear that fits?
If so… know that you’re not alone.
I know how it feels to feel so bad about decisions I’ve made… to feel so bad about myself… that I just feel like a failure.
Can I tell you a secret?
I have a mistake… a temptation… that I give in to all too often.
It goes something like this:
I have a healthy lunch… and I’m feeling great about it. And as I head back home, I see the big Starbucks sign.
And then… before I know it, I’ve just pulled in and ordered a Caramel Frappucino… sometimes with extra syrup to make it sweeter!
And then I tack on an Apple Fritter just for the heck of it… even though I know the dairy will upset
my stomach and the sugar will make me crave more sugar and the whole experience makes me want to eat more.
This is my frequent tempation, in vivid detail, one I have succumbed to all too often.
What’s yours? Or what’s your most recent mistake that you felt really, really bad about doing?
Did you feel the same way I feel after my Starbucks treat?
- Lethargic
- Bloated
- Cramping
- Full
- Fat
- Guilty
- Disappointed
- FAILURE
If so… I hope you know by me sharing all of this… that you are NOT alone.
The big secret to our success, though, is NOT learning how to not make mistakes!
I know it sounds funny… but the key to being successful is learning to trust our mistakes to lead us straight to our goal.
See - we all make mistakes… and when we learn how to harness the power of those mistakes - we hit GOLD!
So here’s the BIG secret technique to do when you’ve just made a mistake and feel lousy about it:
Ask yourself WHY you did it.
See… in knowing WHY we did something… we find power!
And the WHY is usually so much deeper than our first response.
“Why did I get coffee & a fritter?”
My first response might be, “because it sounded good.”
But if I keep asking WHY… I get to the bottom of things.
“Why did it sound good?”
“Because I felt like something was missing… a treat, something sweet.”
“Why did I feel like something was missing?”
“Because I felt like lunch wasn’t fun because it was healthy… and I miss feeling like I’m treating myself to something I enjoy.”
And there it is!
I’m missing out on a vital ingredient in my life…
Treating myself to a pleasurable gift to myself!
See how a mistake can become a powerful learning tool?
Because I now understand that I’m feeling neglected in the sense of “treats” and “treating myself”… I can choose to treat myself in a way that supports my goals.
I can buy myself that awesome new fiction book that I haven’t felt like I had time to
read.
I can treat myself to a pedicure.
I can treat myself to a cup of hot tea, curled up on my favorite chair, reading that new novel, staring at my newly painted toes… and just relish in a “stolen” moment from the day.
And the best part is… if that method of treating myself doesn’t quite cut it - if I still don’t feel “treated” enough…
I can keep looking for new, special, treat-filled moments that keep satisfying that need I have.
Today - I challenge you… think about the most recent mistake you made with your goals
to a thin, radiant body…
…and then think about the powerful lesson you can learn from it.
And then share that lesson in a comment below!
See, by sharing your insight about your mistake & what you learn from it, and how it’s going to help you in the future, you do three things:
1. You make it easier to forgive yourself for making the mistake by sharing the mistake & how it helped you
2. You help other people just like you realize that they are not alone… and you help them turn feelings of failure after a mistake into feelings of empowerment and hope!
3. This is the big one: by sharing what you learn, you actually learn it better!
That’s right… by telling other people about your mistake and how you’re going to use the lesson in it to bring you closer to your goals… you actually impress that solution on your mind…
It’s like by teaching, you learn!
So leave a comment below, and share your insight!
To your radiant self,
Bethany
This is a personal email I shared with one of my best friends. I shared some great thoughts in the email, and thought you might like to read it. My passion is that all of us, myself included, learn to “listen” actively & consistently to the thin person inside of us… that person is radiant, happy, purposeful, and healthy - and our bodies will reflect the action we take to nurture our thin self!
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My personal email, to my beautiful friend Dawn:
Weight gain is a scary thing - it taps into the worst parts of our fears about failure, our appearance, our identity. I want you to know that I understand, and have a lot of compassion for your fears. The feelings that come over you when you try to find something your closet and nothing fits; the feelings that come up when you’re invited to a swim party & know you don’t want to ’subject’ anyone to your body; the feelings you have when you step on the scale and see yet another increase in your weight.
It’s all alot to deal with, and I’m sure taps into your self-worth & valuing yourself. We’ve become desperate to lose the weight, because we fear that we’re a failure, unattractive, undesirable, and inadequate if we don’t.
And that just makes me want to wrap my arms around you and tell you how beautiful you are! If your body were never to change - or even if it were to get larger - I (and many other people) would continue to love you, value you, believe in you, respect you, and draw inspiration from you - just as I believe you would for me. Your significance in this world is not tied to your weight - but to your spirit.
I know that you know all of that, and it might be entirely not necessary for where you are now; but I just want to reinforce to you that you have a network of people around you who do not measure your worth in pounds. I’m not looking at you thinking what a screw-up you are because you lost weight and gained it all back.
You are not the same person you were years ago, even though the weight might be the same. Your body doesn’t even look the same. Each method you tried to lose weight taught you things that put you into a journey that you’re continuing today. YOU are not a weight loss success or failure; your weight loss efforts to this point were just part of your journey, not part of you.
My vision for each of us is that we can fully accept ourselves - love our bodies - if not how they look, how they function. Speak with wonder & gratitude about what our bodies do, and how intricate they are, and how amazing it is to have the unique body that frames our spirit.
Why? Not so that we can wallow in pounds that we don’t need. But because the more we love our bodies; the more we appreciate our bodies; the more we love our spirit - the more we appreciate the gift our life brings to other people - the more we’ll want to invest into our bodies, into our spirit, into our emotion.
We’ll find it easier to eat spinach salad along with whatever we’re eating for lunch, because we want to take care of our organs, our body, our mind.
Instead of being desperate to lose weight so that we can finally meet some ideal that we’ve created in our heads, we’ll lose weight because of the investments we’re making.
I’m including myself as a receiver of these words. I’ve lived far too long with a mindset of ‘If only I could achieve this, then I would be happy’ instead of ‘How can I be happy right now, truly happy - that creates long term happiness too?’ I really want to invest in my mind, spirit & body becoming thin & healthy from the inside out.
If I stay at the weight I’m at for years, with flabby arms and a stomach pooch and definitely NOT swimsuit ready, I’m choosing to be okay with that as long as I’m investing where I need to. Into bike rides that make me feel refreshed & invigorated by nature; and food that makes my digestion move better and gives me energy and still enjoying pleasurable foods without the scarfing, binging, or overeating; and words that move my spirit and make me believe in myself, and know that I have a special purpose here that I can fulfill as I continue to invest in the right places.
And somehow, I know that as I continue to invest in these things, the weight will continue to fall off of me.
Ultimately, I’m just here loving you and ready to support you however I can.
We ARE skinny people on the inside. We’ve dipped (at least I have) in and out of being thin mentally and overweight mentally, and that’s why my body reflects that. But we have a thin version of us inside - and I’m loving finding my way to hear that Bethany more often.
I know it’s a roller coaster ride. Some days we feel great about our choices, about our mindset. Some days we crater and act like an overweight person.
It’s a journey - and I’m thankful to be on it with you.
The one thing that is pretty consistent between the various popular methods of losing weight is the need to write down what you’re eating. I know, I know - I’ve been there and done that too, and it is a pain in the butt sometimes. But the truth is… the reason that so many programs ask you to keep a food journal is that it works.
Let me say that again - IT WORKS.
There is a certain level of accountability in writing down what you eat that automatically makes you THINK about what you’re putting into your body. And THINKING about what you eat is the absolute first step to losing weight.
But how can a busy girl keep a food journal without pulling her hair out?
I’ve done everything with food journals. I’ve written down exact portion sizes of foods, their exact calories, what time I ate them, what mood I was in before and after I ate… you name it, and I’ve journaled it.
But none of those complicated methods lasted very long. So this series of blog posts is designed to help you learn to keep an effective food journal.
First, you’ll need a small notebook. Something small enough that you can carry it to work and back home each day and it’s not a bother - perhaps something that fits in your purse.
Next, just do the obvious - write down what you eat, every meal, every time you eat. Although it’s great to have the notebook with you in the moment, I keep mine on my desk. When I get back from eating, I write down what I ate as soon as I sit down.
That’s the basic fundamental start to keeping a food journal - simply write down what you eat. I don’t write down the portion size, or the time, or my mood - but all of those things are extremely helpful indicators at certain times.
So if you’re trying to tackle a specific mood problem, keeping track of that is a good idea; but for now I just want you to get in the habit of noting down on paper what you eat every single time you eat.
You’ll automatically begin to make better choices with food, knowing you’ll be recording your food intake later. So go get the notebook, and start recording! Tomorrow I’ll be talking about other things to record in your journal, and what to do with what you see written there.